we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
