Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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