I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
