I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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