Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What changed your mind?
Being sober
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
