Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
handjob tips. give me some.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
