What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All the doctor said was why
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
