you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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