Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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