she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
