even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
