Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What a dumb baby whore.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
