i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
