Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
