Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
