sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
