proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
