Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
