I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
