There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
