no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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