they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
