I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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