when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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