I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
