I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
