Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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