My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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