Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
