So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
