they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
