Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
