well I can't set my house on fire every night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
