This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize