Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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