I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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