Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
then he tried to convert me to islam
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
