you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
