it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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