My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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