In the future we'll all be gay
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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