i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
