I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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