So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
