I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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