He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
