Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
