You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
