Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
