I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
