hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
