I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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