Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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