Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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