Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
