He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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