was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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