Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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