Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
