Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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