3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
