I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
