There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
