You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
