my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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