is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
