I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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