why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
