Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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