Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I AM VODKA MAN
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
