Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
