This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The Olympian is in my bed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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