We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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