is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
